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Friday, 27 March 2009

  • love is not a feeling.

    trg was really tiring today and i felt like a sprinted my heart out.

    life's rather painful and tormented right now. amidst having to deal with all the stress, there's still more stress. i do not know if it is because of stress that i've been feeling this way, but i really want the feeling to go away. i'm desperate to find a deeper meaning into all of these. its like god's playing me and i do not understand anything. then again, who am i that i should see and understand?

    on the upside, MCTs are finally over and done with. you should feel the sigh of relief i have. i felt like i was almost going to crack under all that stress. and to think about it, this is only the first maj test. its not even a real exam! it was all the other distractions i have in my life.

    sometimes i wanna just run away from all the madness of this life. and hide in some corner of the world where all these things wouldn't hunt me down. then again i think how insignificant i am compared to this world. i'm pretty sure that there are milions of people out there who are feeling worse than i do and are still living. they live and breathe the pain but hell, they don't give up. but yet again i think that i am not strong enough. i crack immediately in the presence of fear, stress, anxiety. i am the weakest link and my heart, mind and faith just won't buck up. build up walls and defences just to protect myself.

    okay. thats about enough emotions for tonight.

    till then!

Sunday, 22 March 2009

  • faith . hope . love

    It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope..

    I have been swamped. My heart, my mind. It's maddening!

    There are these moments in life (increasingly often) when i feel like i am so close to breaking. Just shredding up and letting the wind take me wherever it pleases. I don't mind disappearing from existance because it'll be less painful then. Then i fall on my knees and pray to God to help me tide through this time. I don't know how long this time will last, i don't know how much more of this i can take, but i thank God for helping me and for those who have always stood by me.

    Now we're back to the beginning ...

    Faith . Hope . Love

    My three mantras.

    Let your memories grow stronger and stronger till they're before your eyes

    I miss those moments of silence when i could be at peace with myself and the world around me. I think that the days are only going to get more difficult, moments of self-doubt and unbelieve. Moments of smiles, tears of joy and just serenity.

    You'll come back

    "there's no grey area when it comes to God. Its either you believe in him or you don't"

Sunday, 26 October 2008

  • 27 bridesmaid

    i spent 14 hours today sleeping! (: i'd say, today has been the best day of the week.

    its 0047. i am watching 27 dresses and i cant sleep. oh, i just love james marsden! he's absolutely hothothot! and katherine hiegl (did i spell that right) looks absolutely stunning. haha. i wanna have a wedding now! with 27 bridesmaid!

    okay, i came here to rant abit. see, stuff's been happening. and i dont wanna write it down here explicitely, because, and surprising, people still do read my blog! feelings are still raw and i guess for now, i dont know what to do. thought's been running through my head all day and the only thing i can do to avoid it from driving me crazy is to sleep. (i am extremely sorry if that sentence didnt come out well. maybe its not that bad, maybe it just me.) its just everything's that piled up this week. and yesterday, my heart just couldnt take it anymore. i'm letting it all go. i especially wanna thank you, for being there when i need it. thank you (:

    okay, i'm off to watch get smart!

Thursday, 23 October 2008

  • hello world! (xanga ate up my post) i am back here because blogger has had me up my neck alr. (random: i like steph's keyboard!)

    so yes, i am at steph's house now. we were supposed to do the senior's scrapbook, but no! steph decided to fill up her diary with PAST events! now, where's the sense in that? "eh! it helps me remember stuff!" I DO NOT TALK LIKE THAT(steph defending herself!) okay, if u say so..

    moving on...

    school this week was moody! really, i hope this doesn't turn into a permanent feeling. i guess everyone's really struggling with project work. its like that monster on our tails! madness.. tomorrow is the submission of wr! can u even begin to imagine the frantic state i was in today? i was trying to clean up the wr. word count, content etc etc. but so were many other groups. i can only imagine the queue outside the zap tomorrow.

    so class CIP has been pretty drama lately. lots of voice rasing, falling out.. i feel like what i've been trying to avoid is coming back to haunt me again!

    H3! they want me to write a letter because my conduct during math lessons is worrying! like wth! its because of that damned women. i do not understand why teachers can pull their weight over this kinda matter and when students sign petitions against teachers, the petition lands in the bean. sense please!

    i'm beginning to love the solitude. its comforting.

Monday, 25 August 2008

letsstartwithtoday

  • Visit letsstartwithtoday's Xanga Site
    • Name: Camelia Brigid Soh
    • Birthday: 1/25/1991
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 11/14/2007

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Chatboard (5)

  • spishgj
    Hello Camelia! =) I still have the picture of your eye. Haha. Will continue to post up pictures on facebook lol :D About >170 pictures to go sigh! haha
    • Posted 6/7/2008 11:32 AM
    • by spishgj
  • flippingiraffe
    can you pls get like a tagboard? its kinda killing me the way i have to tag like this. in the meantime, i love you. you know you love me too. i really really am tired and sick of school. like seriously. I NEED BEAUTY SLEEP LAH. haaiyar.
  • Jea1990
    eh.. hows our band thingo?~ you ah... faster faster!!!~ jess.
    • Posted 11/30/2007 9:52 PM
    • by Jea1990
  • flippingiraffe
    helllo sucker! wassupp!!! hahaha....
  • everyperfectday
    hello poopsies:) i really don't know if this is the place to post. but i'll try anyway:)